A Race Report?

Who writes a race report for a race they did a year and a half ago?  Truth is I've written a race report for Ironman Texas 2014 about 50 times in my head and each time it would sort of drift off and never get put down.  There are all kinds of reasons I've never written a race report, but they all lead back to one thing.  You write race reports because you're proud of what you've done.  Maybe you finished a big race, had a PR, done something really awesome you want to share.  On the flip-side, maybe you DNF'd but learned something, maybe you had a bike mechanical and man was that unlucky because you were so prepared.  Whatever the case may be, you write a report or tell people about it because you feel a sense of accomplishment in what you did, win or lose.

That's why I don't have a race report for IMTX 2014, because I"m not proud of it.  I'm not proud of how I approached it, I'm not proud of how I participated, and I'm not proud about how I felt about it after it was over.  Here's some things I know.  I'm an ungrateful jerk.  Last may made me a 2 time Ironman finisher, that's something a lot of people can't say.  There are so many people out there that work SO much harder than I do, and can't get to the finish line.  I'm sitting here saying that my second Ironman finish gives me no pride, and that's a jerk thing to say.  It makes me sound like an ingrate, and I probably am.  The fact is that when I finished IMTX in 2014 in a time of 16:21 it was the complete opposite of the emotion I felt when I finished IMTX 2011 in 13:43.  In 2011, I could have DNF'd and still felt incredible pride in what I had done.  I would have been disappointed, sad, mad and all kinds of other things, but I would have been proud of what I had accomplished because I had earned that.  I worked my tail off and no matter what happened on that day in May, I deserved to finish that Ironman.  In 2014, it was the total opposite.  I hadn't worked, I hadn't trained, I signed up and toed the line out of some sense that it was going to say something about me.  To say I overlooked the race both is and isn't true.  I knew it was going to be a hard long day and that I wasn't likely to be close to my previous time, but I had a sense of malaise rather than a sense of anticipation, excitement, or even fear.

The day started out in a very unexpected fashion.  The swim was wetsuit legal for the first time and do to this, or luck or a combination, I pulled out a 20 minute PR on the 2.4 mile swim.  That's a huge time improvement over my last Ironman.  It was the last time anything went "right" for me all day.  It gave me some confidence, maybe I wasn't the worthless out of shape slob I thought I was, I mean I busted that swim out and had a great time, let's keep it rolling!

One of my biggest excuse makers that I had going into race day is that I had cracked the frame of my bike 2 weeks before the race and was racing on a bike I had ridden once for any length of time.  I had a great new bike, the bike was fine, but I wasn't.  From basically the start of the bike, I began to talk myself out of the race.  What are you doing?  Look at your heart rate!  I feel a pinch here.  My tri suit is rubbing me there.  All triathletes do this a thousand times throughout a long race day, but this was different, every thought I had started to weigh me down, because I truly didn't feel I belonged out there.  Then the wind happened.  I could recount all kinds of things, like the time I was going 9 miles an hour on a flat straight road, and that's all I had, or when I realized half way through that my speed and cadence weren't calibrated correctly and so I didn't really know how far I was or how much above or below my effort I had been doing.  All these things "matter," but they aren't enough to ruin you.  Well they were that day for me.

All of this is just the lead in to what really is the summation of the whole experience before, during, and since this race, and that's the marathon.  A 26.2 mile run.  I walked 24.8 miles of it.  I came out of the change tent with absolutely nothing in the tank, and two huge blisters ( I still don't know how) on the balls of my feet.  Again, those "matter" but they weren't anything that would have stopped me in 2011.  Nothing that would have stopped someone who wanted to run strong and finish well.  The truth is, everything leading up to this point could probably have been chalked up to a bad day, bad conditions, bad circumstances, but on the "run" things got very dark.  I hated every step of what I was doing.  I didn't want to be there, I didn't want anyone to see me, I didn't deserve to be on the course with people who were trying so hard to do something so awesome.  I think if I had walked off the course and handed in my chip, I may have wound up in a better place mentally.  The way it went, I kept walking, I kept telling myself how weak I was, and weakness grew and won.  I told myself over and over that I didn't deserve to walk off the course and go take a shower and go to bed. When I crossed the finish line I feel like the only thing I had proven to myself is that I could spend a long time, a REALLY long time beating myself up and telling myself how worthless I was.

Maybe it's no surprise considering all this that the last place I wanted to be after that was swimming, biking, or running, but it's actually worse than that.  I didn't want to train anymore, but I knew I was "supposed" to want to.  I didn't even want to go outside anymore. So instead of saying to hell with triathlon and training and just stepping away, I kept going out to run, out for rides, and I would quit every time.  I hated it.  I became an expert at failing.  At quitting.

This seems like a whole lot of whining and moaning about a lot of nothing, and honestly I feel as much like if not more of an ingrate as before, but there's one difference.  This is the last time.  It's the last time I tell this story.  It's the last time I feel undeserving, ungrateful, and inadequate.  I'm simply hitting the reset button.  I've loved this sport that has given me so much for a long time, and I'm ready to love it again.  The worst part about my last Ironman might also be the best part, I took nothing from it.  There's nothing about it I carry forward with me, positive or negative, it's kind of like it didn't happen.  That makes me sad, but it also makes me happy I don't have to hold the baggage.

So who writes a race report for a race they did a year and a half ago.  I guess I do.  I wrote it to let it go.

Time to TRI Again

I started reading through this old blog and especially the last few posts I've made on here that are sad and devoid of much hope.  It's a funny thing to sit here today with a much different attitude, although, according to those last few posts, things have only gotten "worse."  I've gained even more wait, I'm 55 lbs over my previous racing weight, and I haven't really made any progress in getting back to regular training.  All that being said, I feel AMAZINGLY more positive about where I am and where I'm going than I have for months.

There have been a few changes, I've started a nutritional plan that is working.  It's a little pricey, but it is portion controlled and tasty, and I love it.  I've lost 6 pounds, a small drop in a large bucket, but it's enough to curb my bad attitude.

Biggest of all, as I sat around this morning looking at my friends social media posts about finishing Ironman Florida and Austin 70.3, I said out loud to Sarah, "I really want to do another Ironman..."  Her response, Florida registration opens at noon.  So yeah, I'm registered for Ironman Florida 2016.  I'm not scared, I'm ecstatic.  For the first time in a long time I'm HOPEFUL.  That's really the feeling I've missed the most.  I can stand being slow, I can stand being hurt, I can even, to a certain degree, stand being overweight but I cannot abide being hopeless, and I have been for almost a year.

I am also not naive.  This is going to be a TOUGH year.  I have to almost start from scratch.  I only say almost because I at least know what this takes.  My body has forgotten.  It's soft and comfortable and not used to 5:00am swim practice and 5 hours on a bike.  It will remember, but it isn't going to be easy.  I can't wait to do another Ironman.  I can't wait to train again.  I can't wait to be a triathlete again.

Last Debbie Downer Post

I've got to turn around the content of this blog if I'm going to turn around the content of my life and training.  I've got to do something this weekend I've never done before.  I've got to not start a race I'm registered for.  I won't be going to the line at Buffalo Springs 70.3 because I'm not ready.  I haven't been able to run because of a foot injury, and if there's anything I know about this race it's that it's all about the run.  When I walked the marathon at Ironman Texas and finished in 16:21 minutes, a lot of people told me how awesome that was because I stuck it out.  The fact is I think it did me more harm than good, mentally.  At some point I gave up out there during Ironman, but I just kept walking.  The lesson I learned that day is that I can give up and still finish.  That's NOT a positive thing.  I used to compete with myself, challenge myself, set goals, set challenges.  Lately I've been back in a "see if I can finish" mode, and that's not where I want to be.  If I had started the race this weekend, it would have been in the hopes that I could finish, not in hopes that I could beat my last time that I did it. So I'm taking a week of vacation, a couple of road trips.  I'll run if and when I want, as far as I want, and if my foot feels bad, I won't.  In a week or so, I'll decide what the rest of my summer holds and how I'm going to approach training for the marathon and the 50 miler.  I want to train strong, I want to be strong.

2015 Houston Marathon Is A Go...Kind of.

I received word yesterday that I had received a spot through the Houston Marathon Lottery, meaning I'll be toeing the line there for the third time this coming January. In keeping with my new commitment to optimism mixed with gentle realism, it's time to think about my goals for this marathon.  First, a little history.  My first marathon came roughly 9 months after I ran my first step as an adult.  I joined a couch to 5k group and basically went couch to marathon instead.  It was an amazing ride and I finished that marathon in ~5:20.  This was a bucket list style marathon, my only goal was to complete it.  I trained that way, I raced that way, COULD it be done?  Houston Marathon number two was a different animal.  I had been running and competing in triathlons for 3 years.  I had figured out how to train, I was running faster and longer than I had before and I had a bold goal.  I wanted to run a sub 4 hour marathon.  My eating was pretty well controlled although I noticed that I was having more "cheat days" than I was used to and the scale had started to creep up.  I pushed hard, I raced smart, and I ran a 4:01.  This was just shy of a 1:20 minute pr, something that's basically unheard of, but it was bittersweet, one stupid minute.  That was two years ago, which brings us to here.

On the upside, this will technically be my 5th marathon (2 stand alone, 2 Ironmans) so I know what to expect.  The "can" question doesn't plague me the way it used to.  Of course anything can happen on any given day, but I know it CAN be done.  The question plaguing me today may already be clear, am I shooting for that elusive sub 4:00 again? The downside is, well, everything I talked about yesterday.  The downside is that I feel disconnected, I feel fat, and the last time I went to the line feeling like this, I did a 16:21 Ironman (with a 7:30 marathon, all walking), a 2:30 personal worst.  To be clear, and this has been difficult to admit to myself, but I did that Ironman so badly because I was doing it fat, mentally.  I told myself many times, you don't deserve to be out here, you don't look like these people, you didn't work as hard as they did.  That's why I did so poorly, because I convinced myself that's all I was capable of.  I had blisters, I didn't have good race nutrition, but my biggest failing was mental, but I digress.

I'm coming to another unpleasant, although not really surprising, realization about the weight I've put on.  It's making it a lot harder to run. Shocking I know, but the truth is my "running mind" still wants to run the pace I used to.  I can still "feel" that pace and I want to run it, I even think my body feels good doing it...for about 3 miles.  Then it reminds me pretty quick that I'm not 32 and 180 lbs anymore.  I've got aches and pains, tendinitis, etc. and it's because my body can't haul around the extra weight as fast as I want it to.

So can I hit that sub 4?  I think I can IF I get the weight off of me and keep running.  It even feels stupid to type.  It feels like saying, "I can learn to speak Spanish if I study the language and practice with other speakers."  As obvious as this equation might be, it's something I'm going to have to work at.  I know what I need to do with the food side to start losing weight, but it's trying to figure out how to keep myself running without continuing to hurt.  The easy answer is slow down, but it's hard to convince my brain to slow down more than my body already requires.  After all, I want to go fast!

New Beginnings, again and again

When I started this blog 5 years ago, I titled it "Fat Man Running" with a bit of a tongue in cheek sensibility because I was feeling great about the fact that I was on my way out.  I had turned my life around and was losing weight, running, and feeling happy.  Five years later and things are, well, different.  Not completely, I still run, I'm still a happy person, but the joy, the confidence that I had gained that allowed me to be deprecating enough to title my blog something about being a "fat man" has definitely changed.

In some sense the title is more appropriate than I could have known.  When I started running five years ago, simply put I was a fat man.  I was 6'0" and over 300lbs.  Fat man.  Over the year of 2009 I lost over 150lbs and at my lowest hit somewhere right around 180lbs.  Today I'm sitting squarely up around 210-215.  Lots of numbers, who cares.  What I do is go back to each of those points on the timeline and think about how I felt.  At over 300lbs, I was on a collision course with diabetes, heart disease, and who knows what else, what was worse is I knew and really didn't care.  The various gory details of why I was a depressed, fat slob (and I don't toss that term around flippantly) aren't necessary, but I did "change."  I started running, I started eating so I could run farther and faster and more.  I wanted nothing more than to run and run and run.  It got me down to 180lbs, it got me involved in new friends, it got me a new girlfriend (now wife), it got me a second chance at life.  Now here's what no one does know.  I was still fat. Fat in the head.  I would look at the minimal flab that I still had, either from being overweight, or just still being a larger guy, but I looked and saw a "fat guy."  I hid it, I masked it, and most of all I was able to tell myself that it was "so much better than I was."  It was true, and for a while it kept me satisfied.  I was new fat.  Healthier fat, skinnier fat, but still a fat guy in my own eyes.  Fast forward to now when I'm 30ish pounds heavier, I've run marathons, done Ironman Triathlons, raced, trained, coached runners, triathletes, I've totally immersed myself in the things that made me different, and guess what, I'm still a "fat guy."

I've been fighting myself for 5 years not to be a fat guy.  I've brooded, I've cried, I've pouted, I've run, I've won, I've lost, I'm winning, I'm loosing.  What I have to realize is this is a fight I'll never "win." I'm always going to be a fat guy because it isn't a matter of the number on a scale or on the waistband of my jeans for me, it's the fat in my brain.  I hate that I'm a fat guy, but I am, and the sooner I stop fighting him and start using his fat ass, the sooner I can be happier, more often.  I don't know what this means, I don't know if this is some kind of epiphany or if I'm just thinking, but I'm tired of fighting, but I think that's because I'm tired of losing.  So I need a new way to fight.  You know the old same behavior, different expectation scenario, it doesn't work.  So I'll keep working, and I'll still be fat, but maybe I won't have to always be losing.

What a difference a day makes...

I'm waking up a day later and 5 pounds lighter. That's ludicrous, you can't lose real weight that fast. I'm simply coming down from the post marathon inflammation, water retention, and feeding frenzy. It feels good to be solidly back under 200lbs, but what's better is that my wife and I have been able to come to an understanding about the way to conduct our food lives. See, when I lost over 100lbs, I did it alone, single, with no one to think about other than me. I know for a fact that this was a HUGE contributor to my success. I said many times that if I had the lives of many of my friends, wive, kids, etc., that I don't know if I would have been able to do it. Well here I am, married, extremely happy, and in need of dropping some lbs. It was complicated because my wife and I have very different likes, dislikes, wants, and needs when it comes to food. I'm happy to throw some salt, pepper, and garlic on anything and eat it every day until the rapture, but she get's tired of this fast. I base everything off of the protein, a chicken breast, or a pork chop, and whatever I have to go with it. She hates "big hunks of meat" as she calls them and would rather graze on vegetables and small sides. The fact is, both of our individual styles have helped both of us lose and maintain weight, they just don't work for the other. We've tried to coordinate, compromise, be flexible, but when the rubber meets the road, this is an issue we both have enough trouble with that we need it our way to feel successful. Turns out it's not that hard, we buy the foods we like at the store and we eat them when we are hungry. Of course we have dinners that we both like and we sit and eat together, but there's no reason I cant have the breakfast I like and she have what she like at the same time. I ate cereal for breakfast, a banana for a snack, a sandwich, pita chips and yogurt for lunch, some hummus for a snack, and a chicken and slaw pita for dinner yesterday and felt totally NORMAL, in control, satisfied and largely not tempted. It's only day 2, but I'm feeling good about it.

A Marathon Is Only The Beginning...

Most people choose to make running a marathon the goal at the end of a journey. Training, nutrition, sacrifice, pain, training, pain, a little more training, and even more pain. At the end of it all you get to call yourself a marathoner. I felt this experience exactly 2 years ago when I completed the Houston marathon for the first time. I had lugged myself off of the couch and in 9 months went from a 300lb couch potato to a marathoner that weighed under 200lbs. I had found my new passion in life and I was never going back. I did anything but stop there. Since January of 201 when I ran that marathon, I lost 20 more lbs, completed over a dozen sprint and olympic distance triathlons, over 20 running events, a half ironman, and in May 2011 I finished a full Ironman triathlon in The Woodlands, Tx. Yesterday I did something else that I can't believe. I repeated my performance at the Houston Marathon, only this time instead of taking 5 hours and 19 minutes to do it, I did it in 4 hours and 1 minute. I had a one hour and 18 minute pr (personal record), something that is all but unheard of in running. It's a huge accomplishment and only 1 little minute away from my ultimate goal of breaking 4 hours. Today, however, I've done something else that I didn't think I would ever do. I stepped on the scale and saw a 2 as the first digit again. It's hard to write. It's hard to admit, but as I contemplated what to do about it, I realized, I'm going to use this huge accomplishment as the beginning, not the end. It feels crazy to say, but the thought of running a 4 hour marathon, or completing a 140.6 mile triathlon doesn't scare me half as much as the idea of having to lose weight again. I think it scares me so much because this time I've gained 20 lbs while training for a marathon. What does that tell me about the state of my diet? It tells me that I have lost complete control.

So just as I said, this marathon is the beginning. The beginning of me regaining control on my diet, my health, and my life. I have an entire triathlon season to plan for and I will not go into this season battling my weight. I'm starting over, starting over with weight, this blog, and my attitude. Here's to new beginnings...again.

The Time Is Now...

This morning I find myself on the eve of race day. Tomorrow morning Ill be competing in my first triathlon. I'm doing the Olympic distance (.9 mile swim, 25 mile bike, 6.2 mile run) and my heart is beating out of my chest. Once again I find myself disappointed that I didn't chronicle more closely my training, because now, looking back, it was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. Over the last 14 months, my life has changed so completely its impossible to put into words. This all began with discovering a true passion for running, a passion that ultimately led to me running a marathon in January of this year. That 9 month process was amazingly challenging, completely rewarding and definitely life altering. The last 3 months of training for this triathlon have been equally, if not even more transformative as those months of marathon training.

Physically. As far as the physical changes triathlon has made, they are staggering. After losing 100 pounds during marathon training, I was totally happy with my weight and where my body was. I figured when I started swimming a lot and biking some that maybe I would gain a little muscle tone, possibly even lose another few pounds. I couldn't have imagine the strides that this cross training made, not only in the way I look, but the way my body has been able to perform. I have little muscles and lines where Ive never had them before, and for a guy like me to say he has muscles showing ANYWHERE is a big deal. That however pales in comparison to the improvements Ive made in my fitness. Lets just get this straight, I'm not fast, I'm most likely never going to be a competitive athlete, but in the past three months, my training pace for running has dropped easily 2:00 a mile. My long runs of 8-10 miles were always run between 10:30-12:00 a mile, and now I train that same distance around 9:00-9:30 a mile. On shorter runs, I even run in the 8's. I ran in a 10k race last month, the only race Ive done since the marathon, and did it in 52 minutes, which is an 8:20 pace for 6.2 miles. Some people will see that as a training pace or a "fast jog," for me, that is absolutely flying. I give it all up to the swimming and biking for my gains in running speed. Whether I keep doing tri's or not, I will always swim and bike as part of my running training from here on out.

Some of the other things Ive been able to accomplish along the way:
-Ive been able to swim a continuous mile in open water, twice now.
-In my last training bike ride of the season, I did 30 miles at an average speed over 20mph, again, all things being relative this is FLYING for me. I even spent about 6 or 7 miles riding at over 25mph with my awesome coach, Johnny, who is one of the fastest, most impressive athletes I know, which was a big training highlight for me. I almost hung with him until the end of the road, but he dropped me about a mile from the end, maybe next season!
-I did lose about another 10-12 pounds and really got a lot leaner.
-A 10k personal best of 52:20, around 8:24 per mile.
-Maybe most importantly, training for this tri has helped me find my inner athlete. To even type that almost seems ridiculous, there is nothing about a guy like me that says athlete. Well at least it didn't, but today, I really do feel like an athlete.

Now, all of that is great and I'm so lucky to have accomplished and improved those things. As great as they are, they absolutely pale in comparison to how lucky I feel to have met the people I have through my training group. It almost makes tears well up to think of my friends today and know that only 3 months ago, most of us were looking around having no idea what to do or who we were. I could write pages on every single one of them and how amazing they all are. When you find yourself over the age of 30 and single, the social landscape changes, and its rare to come into contact with a significant number of people that are near your age, single and share a common interest, and aren't necessarily doing this just to get a date. We have all grown so close, and I never would have made it to the start line without these people. I talk to them and think about them every single day, and like I tell them, they are seriously my second family. They aren't my "triathlon friends," they are my true friends that just happen to do triathlons with me.

In 24 hours Ill be dawning a wetsuit and wading out into Galveston bay about to start my swim. Ive never been this nervous, excited, focused, relaxed, crazy, scared and elated. I know tomorrow is the first of many amazing opportunities to push myself in this wonderful world of triathlon. I cant wait!

Its been a while

So much has happened in the last 3 months, I have a lot of catching up to do. I'm giving a talk tomorrow night in which a friend and I have been asked to come up with healthy living tips. I'm posting the 8 that I came up with. Its not a definitive list, but I think theres some good stuff here.

Top Eight Healthy Lifestyle Tips

1. Find a reason to fuel. For me just wanting to eat healthy and exercise wasn’t enough, I needed a reason to be healthy. Running became my reason, instead of just wanting to eat to lose weight or exercise to be healthy, I wanted to become a better runner. Find something that you are passionate about and make that your reason for eating and living the way you do.
2. Listen to your body. Just as its really easy to let yourself get a little soft and out of shape, its also really easy to go really hard and almost start to neglect it in the name of health. We start to see the scale move the way we want and we think, RUN MORE, EAT LESS, but that wont work. If your body tells you it needs food, feed it, if it needs rest, rest it. The hard part is learning to listen to that voice, but it can make all the difference.
3. Run/exercise early whenever possible. Some people love mornings some people don’t, I always found that when I started my day with a run or a workout, Im more likely to want to carry that through the rest of the day. Some people exercise and feel like “oh well I exercised, I can eat what I want,” I always felt like “I exercised, I don’t want to screw it up by eating bad.”
4. Don’t let the scale be your only measuring stick. If losing weight is your goal, don’t be fooled if the scale isn’t moving as fast as you want it to. Different fluctuations in fluids, fat and muscle are going to cause it to move differently throughout your days and weeks. Instead, stick to what you know, if you are moving your body and eating sensibly, you are making a positive impact on your body, the scale will just have to get on board 
5. Eat Consciously. I personally don’t believe that there is a regimented diet, the eat only this and none of this kind of diet that works. The problem I think most of us have is that we just eat whatever we think sounds good until we are full, and sometimes even over full. The best bet is to try and think about what youre eating and make the best possible choice you can. If you can get wheat instead of white, do it. Grilled instead of fried, get it, but there is no such thing as evil food, only evil attitudes towards it.
6. Don’t put yourself in situations where you cant help but fail. If you know that you are a junk food-aholic and that you are always starving after work, driving by McDonald’s on your way home is a sure fire recipe for disaster, unless you are prepared. Pack yourself healthy snacks, fruit, granola bars, 100 calorie packs of treats. Are these things as satisfying as a double cheeseburger, maybe not, but they will probably get you passed the McD’s and on your way home where you can be more in control of what you eat.
7. You don’t have to “fake” it. I have friends who go nuts when I tell them I eat ground turkey burgers, or veggie burgers, or tofu. “That’s not the real thing! Why do you want to eat FAKE burgers?” they say. Truth is I don’t, I like real burgers, but I also like turkey and tofu. Try new tastes, don’t think of it as settling, think of it as trying out something new. So much of living healthy is about mindset, and if you think you are denying yourself what you want, it’s a sure fire way to fail. Instead think of it as choosing something new over something you know makes you feel bad about yourself. Then you aren’t denying yourself anything, youre denying the food’s power over you.
8. Play. Sometimes the best way to be active and healthy is to play. Training for 5k’s or 10k’s or marathons or triathlons is great and can be extremely fun and rewarding, but sometimes just running around the park with your dog or kids or friends can do you more good than a tempo workout. Remember that the reason we are out here is because we want to ENJOY our lives, and sometimes that means leaving the watch at home, not following a training plan and just running, swimming, jumping, throwing, etc our way into a healthy lifestyle.

Im Not Quite Used To This

I'm very careful not to over-inflate what it is I do, or what it is Ive been able to accomplish with my running/fitness/weight loss. Ive lost over 110 pounds, Ive run a marathon, Ive completely changed my lifestyle. These are all really big deals, but I still consider myself something of a beginner in all of this. Most of that comes from the amount of time in which Ive accomplished these things and made these changes. I still haven't even been living this way for a year yet, although my one year "anniversary" is right around the corner. That combined with constantly taking on brand new challenges I think keeps me in a state of feeling like a beginner, and frank, I don't think that's a bad thing. I have started, however, to discover something that I didn't expect, and frankly, its pretty exciting. When training for a marathon, conservation is a key word. Start slow, save energy, make sure you have enough, don't push. Of course this is completely sound advice and strategy for someone like me who doesn't know what the heck it takes to finish a marathon. But now that Ive started this triathlon training, where yes, a certain amount of conservation is still the name of the game, its not the ONLY name of the game. Threes also the PUSH part of the game. This is a new part of the game for me, and I like it. Since Ive started this training, about six weeks ago, Ive been running so much faster than I have ever run in the past. I was always a solid 11:00-12:00 per mile, mid-back to back of the pack runner, and this served me very well in attempting to gain endurance and lasting strength for marathoning. I always looked at the fast people, the 8:00-9:00 milers as some sort of mythical creature, and those freakish 7:00 and lower milers, well, I still don't find those people to be human. Whats cool is that for the last couple of weeks Ive been able to run in that 9:00-9:30 minute per mile category. At first I thought it was just a "feeling good and I busted out a really fast 3 miles," event, but Ive now done 3 slightly longer runs, 5, 6 and 8 miles, all right around 9:10-9:20 pace. Ive even been able to hold this pace, and dare I say go even a little faster on some of my transition runs of 2-3 miles, directly after hopping off the bike after a ride or spin session. In fact this morning I ran an 8:37 mile after riding 20 miles in some really unpleasant weather, but that's what happens when you ride, converse and then run with a former semi professional triathlete, and I'm sure if I asked her, she was taking it easy :) So whats my point? My point is that I'm finding it so cool to be able to push my body and for it to respond. I think for all these months that Ive been marathon training, I was afraid to push too hard, and rightfully so, because of the threat of injury, or not being able to finish, because I was such a beginner. But now it looks like Ive actually built enough of a base that I'm able to put my body through some paces and see some results. If any of this sounds elementary, you've probably never been the fat guy who never thought you COULD do this kind of thing, much less would. I'm so excited to see what the rest of this training season has to offer. I'm right on track for the Olympic distance triathlon in April, and then its on to 70.3 and Ironman. Still find that hard to type sometimes, but its getting a little easier, and a whole lot more fun.

My New Challenge

Ive been meaning to write about this for the last couple of weeks, but just haven't had the chance. After finishing the Houston Marathon, I experienced what I hear lots of marathon runners experience, which is post marathon depression. I had been building to that day for over 8 months, and it was everything I had ever hoped it would be. It was the culmination of all of my hard work, fatigue, struggle, triumph, defeat and joy, all wrapped into one package. But then after a couple of days I felt so empty. I felt like I had nothing in the background to always think about like I had with the marathon. Luckily I had already decided what was going to take the marathon's place, triathlon.

I'm lucky in that after running the marathon, I had now been at least mildly experienced in all three areas of triathlon. I had been on a swim team when I was a teenager, I rode the MS150 just a couple years ago, and now I had run a marathon. I just had to stick all three together. I set my sights on the Lone Star Triathlon in April, but then the next decision, what distance to do. In triathlon there are basically 4 distances, Sprint, Olympic, 1/2 Iron Man and Iron Man. My first inclination was to start at the bottom with the sprint, and work my way up if I got into it. I planned to buy a book and set up a training plan since I felt I could have the self discipline to train on my own. I am sooooo glad I was wrong about that. I think I would have had the discipline, but the training Im getting now with my triathlon group is so many light years beyond what I could have gotten from a book, its hard to imagine doing it without them. Theres a dedicated triathlon store near me in town called Tri On The Run, and they have a group training program for the traithlon I was wanting to do. After talking with the coaches, they were pretty convinced that with my level of fitness, and more importantly my level of commitment and the time I had to devote to it, that I could actually go ahead and do the olympic distance. So the triathlon I will be doing is a 1500 yd swim (.9 miles)followed by a 25 mile bike followed by a 6.2 mile run.

So far the training is going fantastic. My swim stroke seems to still be lodged down in my muscle memory (how I dont know) and Im really enjoying cycling again, and of course, Im still madly in love with running. So I guess this blog wont just be a fat man running anymore, it will be a fat man swimming, biking and running!

My First Marathon

I cant believe it, but yes, I'm a marathoner. No matter what happens from this point on, I'm Will, and I ran a marathon. For those who are curious, here's what my experience was like. Actually before I get into this, I want to mention that Ill be saying "we" a lot, and the we always refers to my amazing sister, Jill. She did everything with me, when I say everything, I mean everything. She trained, stressed, revelled, hurt and felt the rapture, all the way with me. Theres no way I could have done this without her.

We started the day at 4:00 am (well I did, although Jill still persists that she was up, she just happened to be on the couch, with her eyes closed and completely motionless despite my dog crawling all over her) so that breakfast had its time to settle, run its course etc. We planned to leave the house by 5:30 to give us time to really take in all that race day had to offer and be sure we weren't rushed. Its a good thing we did as both traffic and parking were a bit of a hassle. We jammed out to Dropkick Murphys, the same way we did when we ran one of our first 5k's together back in May. On the way downtown we passed a wreck that involved 3 cars, 2 of which were obviously marathon runners, the wreck wasnt bad, but bad enough that it was going to be a while before anyone went anywhere, and I have a feeling it cost those couple people their race. I know that most people would say "well at least they are alright," and of course thats true, but if they had trained for 8 months and got everything ready for that one day, only to end up on a highway shoulder with my car smashed up, I dont know how I would react.

The morning was quite chilly, in the low 40's, but luckily Jill brought along a spare pair of gloves that really saved me some discomfort. We got in line for the indoor port-a-potties (yeah, actually more disgusting than outdoor I think) and slowly started migrating towards the start.

We had planned to run a 5:00 marathon, which averages out to 11:27 per mile, and were looking for the 5:00 pace group. We found them easily once we got to our coralle, but lost them in the shuffle at the very start. Luckily there were people around us who were running out pace and I also recognized my friend Megan who I had run my longest training run with, and I knew we had a similar pace in mind. The start was as amazing as I had imagined it would be, there were people cheering and screaming and the start was signaled by a cannon. I must also add that I was more than a little pleased that the loudspeakers were playing "Run to the Hills" by Iron Maiden as we started the race, very cool!

The first leg of the Houston Marathon takes you over a hellish elevated roadway known as the Elysian Viaduct, which has always been the bane of my running existence during races, however yesterday, I barely noticed it. Running over the Elysian with 22,000 other people completely removed the perspective of it being steep and you really couldnt tell when you were on an incline or not as there were so many people, so with in a few minutes, we were a full mile in and one viaduct down. And this is where I almost quit and walked of the course.

Seriously, I almost never made it to mile 2. Anyone who has ever trained for a marathon knows that no one really ever makes it through unscathed. Pulled muscles, aching knees, feet, something. I had a few issues with a hamstring and then some fairly serious issues not too long ago with my left foot, however somehow I made it for 8 months with almost zero knee problems, and anyone who knows me knows my knees are horrible. It sounds like a 12 year old with a roll of bubble paper when I walk up stairs, and my knees have always just ached anyway. Since losing 100 pounds takes considerable pressure off of them, I guess they were strong enough to carry me through, until literally the week before the marathon. I did my last long run the Saturday before, a ten miler that for all intents and purposes, was just a formality. During this run I felt my knee kind of lock up and get painful, but I just figured it was taper type pain, and sort of carried on. Then I tried to do a little 3 miler on the next monday and at the end it hurt so bad I couldnt run another step. I was in freak out mode, but stopped all running and figured 5 or 6 days rest would cure whatever phantom, meaningless pain this was. Well for the first mile and a half I thought it had. Then just coming down the Elysian, I felt the same pain I felt the Monday before, stabbing, sharp pain that grew worse, literally with every step. I had told myself that this might happen, and that I would have to just gut it out, but at mile 1.5?!?!? I knew that there was no way I could go 25 more miles the way I was. Jill could tell that I was in serious pain and I think she was probably as scared as I was. The pain was so bad I could swear I as limping, although Jill and Megan both said that I didnt look any different. Jill asked me to rate the pain on a 1-10 scale and I told her it was an 8, although it really felt like a 28. She said we could walk, or do some run/walk, what did I want to do? It was for the next couple minutes that I hobbled along thinking, "Am I really not going to finish?" "Is this really how its going to end?" "Why is this happening?" "How do I tell Jill?" At this point she asked me again, "Where is it on a 1-10?" After thinking for a second, I realized the pain was know at an irritating, but much more manageable 4. So I said, give me a couple minutes, lets see what happened. At this point, I did what I had been doing for the entire week, I prayed, hard. I told God I would never make deals with him, because I dont believe in the, "God if you will let me do this Ill never do x, y or z again." Instead I asked, no, I begged God, "PLEASE let this pain go away and let me finish this marathon!" And thats what happened. Within the next 5 minutes I felt no pain at all, and I didnt feel any more pain in that knee until I woke up this morning, when EVERYTHING hurt. I dont know what the medical explanation is, or if there even is one, but I know that God was with me yesterday morning, just like he always is.

I recongnized my first friend/family member at about mile 5. My amazing friend and running partner, Anne, and her fiance Jeff were along Studemont cheering. I cant tell you how much of a boost seeing a familiar face gives you. Furthermore, Anne has been the most supportive, patient and motivational friend throughout this process. I had the privelage of running with Anne at her first half marathon in San Antonio at the end of 2009, and although she wasnt training for Houston, she kept me motivated, let me whine and moan about training and even through us a fantastic party after the marathon. There are so many people without whom I never would have made it anywhere close to the start line, much less the finish, and Anne is right at the top of that list. That would also not be the last Anne and Jeff sighting, they were our cheering ninjas, and just when we would least expect it, there would be Anne (even dancing at one point!) and Jeff. Jill and I were like, man, how are they doing it :)

Right after that we saw Theresa and her daughter Melissa and my friend Judy. They had made signs and were screaming their heads off for us. It almost brings me to tears, even now to think about how I have such awesome friends. Theresa and her husband David would later join us to celebrate, and she even supplied two of my favorite deserts in the world, brownies and her strawberry cupcakes! I even took two home to have for breakfast, but... alas, they didnt last until this morning :)

One of the first of several extremely touching moments was just after this when we heard people behind us telling us to move to the sides. As we turned around, a mom was pushing her son in a wheelchair on the course. As the descended a hill and started to climb back the other side, we actually saw other runners helping the mom get him up the hill. It was very touching, and Jill was especially touched. Jill is a cryer anyway, but adding motherhood to the mix meant that Jill really couldnt dry it up for almost a mile.

Around mile 9, the folks running the half marathon made a u-turn and headed back into downtown. This was a huge moment for Jill and I because we remembered so vividly that moment in November when we were the ones turning and watching the full marathoners continue on into oblivion. And it does feel that way a little. Until that point the street was packed with people. You were running literally with 2 to three people on all sides of you, and as soon as we passed the turn around, there seemed to only be a few here and there. Jill and I had a little bit of a "chills" moment from that, and continued on past Rice University and into Rice Village.

Our pace was great, in fact when we looked at our splits after the race, we ran exactly 11:32 for both our 10k and 1/2 marathon splits, which meant we were right on pace for 5 hours. We were having a blast, talking, noticing everything and just loving the experience. In Rice Village, just before the half marathon point, we saw our family that came out to see us. My mom, step-dad, brother-in-law and nephews were all on the side of the road screaming and waving signs. It was so fun to see them and we really got so much from it. I know this moment, seeing her kids was especially touching for Jill, who let me know this was true, with another dose of tears.

As we continued on through West U and turned towards the Galleria, I saw some friends from work, and Im sure the Anne and Jeff ninja team made several stops along the way. It was at about mile 15 in the Galleria, right about the point where you know the finish is right down the road if you could only turn right, but know, you turn left. This was about the point where I first thought, ok, this is tough, this is really going to take some work.

At about mile 18, you make what is ultimately your last big turn on the course, where you turn West onto Woodway and are more or less headed straight for the finish line. As I have told a couple people, its at this point that my mind first said, "ok will, weve run a long way, we about done yet?" I always get this little voice, but I generally dont like to hear it when there are still 8 long miles to go. Luckily about 5 minutes later I got a really unique surprise. We were running by a church on Woodway and we kept hearing people standing on the side saying something to us, we just couldnt ever make it out completely, we would here words like "hand" "bush" "president" "up" Then with about 5 seconds to spare I hear clearly, "President Bush is up there, be sure to shake his hand!" Sure enough, I look up and sitting in a chair on the side of the street with no fewer than 3 secret sevice guys was Pres. Bush (40) and I, in the middle of my first marathon, get to reach over and shake his hand and say, "Thanks for being here Pres." I really meant to say Mr. President, but after running almost 20 miles, he was lucky I didnt just drool and sweat on him. It was truly an unexpecte, awesome experience.

And then the real fun began. After crossing the 610 loop, I thought I would begin to feel better because I was back on familiar turf, Memorial Park. Its where the bulk of my running has been done, and its almost every Houston runner's home away from home. However when you get to mile 21, home aint so homie. It was at this point that both Jill and I werent really having anymore fun. We were still in complete awe of this event and what we were doing, but it was taking everthing we had to put one foot in front of the other. When you've run 22 mile, 4 miles might not sound like much, but I promise every mile gets progressively longer. 2 miles feels like 4, 4 miles feels like 8, and we are running on, well, I dont know what we were running on at that point. I do know we were tired. Allen Parkway sucks. There are 2 man made underpasses that are steep and treacherous, and yes, we walked up them, and believe me there is no shame in our game for that :) Theres really almost nothing to tell at this point because literally, ever ounce of energy I had was going to each step. There could have been topless dancers on the side of the road and I wouldnt have noticed...well...maybe I would have, but it would have taken something like that for me to notice.

Then we entered downtown. Let me be clear, it didnt get ANY easier at this point, but the euphoria present with 1.5 miles to go is indescribeable. I kept waiting after mile 20 to reach a point where I could reasonably say to myself, ok, youve done it, you KNOW you can make it to the finish from here. To be honest, I didnt get there until I could see the finish line, its THAT hard. You have to make one turn in downtown, and the last turn leaves you .7 mile from the finish line. There was still a good croud along Rusk as we neared the finish, but let me reiterate, even when we could see the finish line, it was so hard at this point that Jill and I could only occasionally muster a "Oh my gosh, we're going to do it." With about .25 mile to go, I think the pain went away some. When I saw the numbers on the clock, I knew I was going to finish, and I was about to be a marathoner. We crossed the finish line in 5:17:10. I could not be more proud of myself, and of my sister. I find even now its hard to write how I feel about it, because any words I write seem really futile in describing my emotions. I hugged my sister and said a prayer to God, thanking him, yes, for letting my knee hold up, but for so much more, for bringing me to that finish line, for bringing me out of the depression and the mire that my life was less than a year ago. Yes, I did the work, my two feet carried me, and for that I am imensly proud, but I would never dare have the arrogance to think that I did it all by myself. In "Spirit of the Marathon," Dick Beardsley says, "When you cross that finish line, no matter how fast, no matter how slow, it will change your life, forever." I dont think I could possibly put it any better, and even here, only 24 hours out from the marathon, I know that statement is completely true. No matter what comes in my life, Im Will, and Im a marathoner. I can do anything.

Oh boy...

Im not sure if I was encouraged or driven further into insanity to see how many things popped up when I entered "Im totally freaking out about running my first marathon" into google. Fact of the matter is, I am. I dont know how much of it is nervousness, how much of it is excitement and how much of it is soul wrenching terror. I believe that I have trained about as consistently, smartly and fully as I possibly could have, and I feel about as ready as my body can be, but its the unknown that has me doing backflips in my head. So, heres what Im thinking all day, every day, all at the same time, non stop:

-The weather. Looks like its not going to rain, will it be cool enough? Will there be clouds? Will it be too sunny?

-What should I wear? Do I bother with the arm sleves?

-What is this knee pain business? Ive trained for 7 months for this and my knee hasnt hurt once, now 6 days away it decides to start aching?

-Will my foot hold up? It hasnt hurt at all in 2 weeks, but I also havent run more than a 12 miler in two weeks.

-Will I be able to sleep? Usually next day excitement keeps me up more than a six pack of redbull with a nodoze chaser, I NEED SLEEP!

-What do I eat the night before? I know Im supposed to eat carbs this week, then eat light and normal on Saturday, but what? What if I get something that doesnt agree with me?

-Where should I start my pace? Do I just try and run all of my splits the same? Run slower at first, pick it up at the end?

-Have I done enough? Can I do it? Will I do it?

So yeah, my head wants to explode, then I stop, take a breathe, and remember some things that people have told me, and things that I KNOW are true:

-"Trust your training, Respect the distance. You'll be fine" Lisa

-"Stop freaking out, you just have to go out there and run." Dana. She said this to me this morning, and I have to admit, it was exactly what I needed to hear. She's right, I just have to go out and run, I do this every day. I have to respect the distance and know what Im getting into, but its running, I know I can do that.

-Ive prepared for this. There is so much that is unknown, but I have trained really hard, and really consistently, and I know that all of the variables that I can control, which are only a few, are under control.

-Ultimately I know this will be an unforgetable experience. Just like "Spirit of the Marathon" says, when I cross that finish line, no matter how fast, or how slow, no matter how good I feel, or how much pain Im in, it will change my life forever.

Setting Goals

I typically spend more time making fun of Lou Holtz than I do listening to what he has to say, but last night during the halftime of the A&M vs T.U. game (we never should have been in that game, the Ag's played an amazing game)I half listened to his "Thoughts with Dr. Lou" segment. I could only catch a little of what he was saying, it was a bit of a chaotic environment, but as best I could tell he was talking to a group of high school students who were either in a bad situation or have faced a tragedy of some kind. I really wish I could have listened to the whole thing because he gave his thoughts on the way to transcend what has happened and truly live a full life. He gave 5 steps, or things to do, in order to live a more full life. The two I remember were to have dreams and turn them into goals. Its something anyone who has ever heard a pep talk or gone to a college orientation has heard a thousand times, but, a little unbelievably, its something I dont think Ive thought about in a while. What really struck me was that we hear a lot about having dreams, and we hear about setting goals, but I dont know how often we hear about literally making our dreams our goals. When I started to think about it, I know Ive always had dreams and Ive always set goals, but I always considered dreams to just be pleasant thoughts, and goals to be the more "practical" list of things that I better try to accomplish. I think thats maybe the reason Lou was saying these things to these students, because I think a lot of them probably think the way I did about goals and dreams. In essence I separated the two into what was real and possible, and what was fantasy and never possible. The problem there is that what is "real and possible" is totally shaped by our perception of ourselves and our reality. For my whole life up until 8 months ago, running a marathon, or losing 100 pounds would have fallen easily into the fantasy dreams category. Now its right within my grasp. The destination hasnt changed, its still every bit as monumental as it ever was, but what did change was my perception of what is possible. There is nothing wrong with being realistic and self aware, but I think the sad part about limiting our dreams to "realistic" pursuits is what it says about our perspective on life and the confidence we have in ourselves.

So, Im going to re-evaluate my dreams and goals, and this time, Im not going to be affraid to combine those two categories. Self awareness is good, reality is good, but believing that you can turn even the biggest dreams into reality is way better.

Dreams/goals:
-Run a marathon (fingers, toes, arms and legs crossed, its coming)
-Be a runner for as long as my body will allow me to be.
-Lose 100 pounds and maintain a healthy lifestyle (6 pounds away, and Im never looking back)
-Complete the Kona Ironman race in Kona, Hawaii
-Become a Certified Personal Trainer
-Have a loving marriage
-Become a father
-Travel to all 7 continents
-Visit all 50 states
-Have a short story published
-Own my dream house (which mostly means that its a place where my friends and family, and even some day my kids WANT to be)

San Antonio Rock N Roll 1/2 Marathon 11/15/09

Theres more from this race that I have to talk about that can be put in one post, so Ill probably write more than one. For this one Ill concentrate on the race itself, how it went and how we did. What I learned and thought about during this race really needs its own seperate post.

Like almost every race Ive run, this one was full of firsts. Although I have run a race at this distance once already, this was my first time running a half marathon as a part of a larger full marathon. The one 1/2 marathon Ive done shut down a piece of one major road to make a large loop, this marathon shut down the better part of the entire downtown San Antonio area. It was also the first time I have ever run with that many people, over 30,000. Another first for me was running a race of this distance with my sister, who was running her longest distance ever. It was so cool to be able to experience this with her in so many ways. She has been such an inspiration and cheerleader as Ive gone on this running and weight loss journey, that it was really special to get to do something this monumental together. It was also very cool because it was the first time that we had run a race together as equals. In the past, Jill was the much more in shape, much more experienced runner, and she was always tasked with pulling me along with her. This time, we were both on equal footing and were able to encourage each other equally, which made it so cool. This was also a big culmination for my running partner, Anne. We started running together in the middle of the summer, literally on pure chance one morning on a long run. The head of our training group said, "find someone who runs your pace and just stick with them," Anne just happened to be running next to me at that moment and said "how about you?" and weve been running roughly 5 days a week together ever since. This race was Anne's goal, and she killed it.

Sunday morning started EARLY. Up at 4:30 to head down to the fruit and juice bar that our hotel was setting up early for the runners. I figured I would get there and be the only one, but there were close to a dozen other people up and stocking up on bananas and bagels, and anything else that looked good. If Ive learned anything about runners, they like their freebies. Jill woke up soon after and we snacked on our peanut butter toast and bananas as we both hoped for our "natural processes" to kick in so that we would have that out of the way before the race. Im pretty sure we were both succesful, but I digress. Being truly our father's children, we had laid everything out the night before and getting ready for the race was a short process. We planned to meet Anne at 5:30 to try and get on the shuttle to the start, but if it was too packed, Anne's fiance, Jeff, was on call to drive us as close as he could to the start. Luckily the shuttle was running extremely smoothe and we got on in plenty of time with no trouble. Its really funny to watch people who are about to endure the kind of punishment a half or especially a full marathon is going to put on them. Everyone was mostly calm, but with an eager anticipation that was noticeable on pretty much everyone.

As soon as we arrived at the starting village, port-a-potty fest 2009 began for both Jill and Anne. Jill, bless her heart, has the bladder of someone who has had two babies within a year and a half of each other, and Anne was somehow born without a human bladder, so the port-a-potty situation was of prime importance to them both. Luckily there were plenty available, and lines were more or less manageable. The only potty stress came when Anne decided to use the bathroom for the 3rd time about 20 minutes before the race began and didnt make it back to our starting position until after the National Anthem. I think she just wanted to see if I would actually have a heart attack BEFORE the race started. She never made it to the bathroom that third time, but she made it back to us and all was well.

As we knew it would, it took about 1/2 an hour after the gun went of for us to cross the starting line, but when we did it was quite the exhilerating feeling. It was hot and humid and far from ideal, but we all felt like kings and queens as we crossed the starting line. It was electric, just running with all of those people is unlike any feeling in the world.

Its kind of hard to remember every detail from then on, so Ill hit some highlights:
-Around mile 6 we ran by a store of some kind that was loudly playing a recording of some Army or Marine cadets doing a call and response cadence. It definitely pumped us up and gave us all chills. You could literally hear their dogtags jingling on the recording, both an exciting and touching moment.

-There were lots of signs along the road from fans, but these were some of my favorites:
Pain is temporary, but pride is forever (we may even put that on a shirt)
Your feet hurt because youre kicking so much A$$
Finishing is your only damn option
You paid to run?

-My sister has this great quality that when she is running, or tired in general, and she sees anything that is the least bit touching, she bursts into tears, literally. She doesnt get a little teary or choked up, she has the full blown balling moment. It comes and goes very quickly, but she cant contain it. There were lots of shirts of people running for different causes, or in memory of someone or something, and every time we would pass one, Jill would burst into tears, and then she'd get a boost from it. Its really pretty cool.

-Anne has been suffering from some kind of knee pain for the last month or so, whenever we would run longer than 7 or 8 miles. We were both hopeful that the adreneline and the grandeur of the event would keep the pain at bay, but she wasnt so lucky. But let me just tell you, Anne is one tough cookie. I could tell about mile 9 that Anne was hurting (come to find out she started hurting at about mile 6) because she got very quiet and seemed a little more serious. What she didnt do was slow down or complain one bit. At one point I just said to her, "Anne, I know youre hurting, but you are doing amazing," and she was. At mile 10.5 when we split from the full marathoners, she even joked that she was just going to go ahead and run the 26.2, which is when I knew she was going to make it the whole way. I couldnt be more proud of her. I hate that she had to be in so much pain, but she's my hero for really gutting that out.

-As Ive already alluded to, crossing the finish line with my sister was really special. She just means the world to me, and I cant think of anyone I would have rather done this with. It is worth noting that we were both so delirious at the end of the race that we almost walked by all of the people handing out finishers medals, that would have been rather dissapointing :)

-Not exactly an enjoyable moment, but looking back its pretty funny. We had to walk probably in the neighborhood of 3/4 to one mile to our car after the race, and you would have thought that it was 3 90 year olds trying to walk down the street. We were walking slooooow, but we all said several times how we were giving it everything we had just to maintain a walking pace. In the future Ill remember, stretching is goood.

There is so much more that I want to write about, but again, Ill save it for another post. We all three finished in 2:35 minutes, almost on the nose. It was hot, it was painful, it was amazing. It sounds cheesy to say, but even though several thousand people finished before we did, I felt like the three of us were the big winners that day.

Houston Half Marathon 10/25/09

This morning I ran my first half marathon, and it was a day of many 1sts. Not only was today my first half marathon, it was my first race of any kind other than a 5k. Generally people take some stepping stones, a 10k, a 12k but I missed the 10 for Texas race a couple weeks ago, so I went straight from 5k to half marathon. Its also probably a little strange that my first half marathon is also the longest distance Ive ever run; training, race or otherwise.

Preparation for this morning actually started a couple days ago. Ive been reading about the right way to carbo load, and if its even really worth it. There are lots of methods and suggestions for how to do it, but what I basically did was start eating a little more carbohydrate in my regular meals, rather than just piling on one full meal of tons of carbs. Other than maybe making my meals a little heavier than normal, this wasn't a difficult task. I woke up at 4:00 this morning, which is my usual long run time anyway so that I can eat breakfast and hope to give it time to make some natural courses before running time. I had everything laid out, so after getting dressed and eating some oatmeal, I grabbed my bag, a banana and a G2 and headed out for the race.

After a bit of a fiasco of parking even an hour before race time, I made my way over to the In Flight (my running club) tent. I walked around for a bit, said hello to some running friends from other clubs and basically let myself get appropriately nervous. With about 15 minutes to go before the start we took off on a little warm up jog. The weather was probably already in the 70's, much warmer than ideal, and it was frankly pretty humid, shocking, I know, for Houston. I probably said, and heard, ten times "why couldn't we have run this yesterday when it was 15 degrees cooler in the morning?"

After a little warm up it was time to take my place in the mob. My only goal time wise for this race was to finish in about two and a half hours. Most of the running calculations Ive been looking at were telling me a 5 hour marathon was within grasp so I was hoping for half of that. To break it down further I wanted to run it about an 11 minute per mile pace, figuring in my head that that would get me pretty close to 2:30. I lined up what I thought was about 1/2 way back, looking around to hopefully see people who looked like serious runners, but also weren't, as my sister calls it "too in it to win it" looking. I felt pretty comfortable with where I was until literally the gun went off and I looked to my left to see my friend Lisa just a few yards a way who is waaaaaay faster than I am. It doesn't really matter other than I didn't want to have to worry about getting in the way of runners who were a lot faster than me, because I know how frustrating that is. Luckily it wasn't ever an issue and the start when off really pretty smoothly, except for the group of about 10 walkers who decided to start at the front and get in EVERYBODY'S way. I like walkers fine, they don't bother me, but etiquette just says you should start further back.

Today's course was 3 loops of a little over 4 miles each. Its not ideal because frankly it gets a little boring, but it wasn't too bad. It was mostly dark for the majority of the first loop, so the second loop really almost felt new, but the third was brutal.

So, now for some things I did right, and some things I did wrong.
1. One thing I did right is that I didn't start too fast. Ive done it before and I frankly do it too often even on training runs. I get caught up in the excitement or just the idea of having a good run and I blow out half way through and the rest of the run is a struggle. I knew that at some point this distance was going to require a certain amount of "gut it out" running, but I was hoping to delay that feeling as long as possible. I'm lucky that I didn't really feel like I was gutting it out until about mile 9 or 10, and even then it wasn't even as painful as I was expecting. I was tired, I was hurting, but I "conserved" enough to be able to really run hard the last 2/10 of a mile, you know, so I looked good coming across the finish line :)

2. One thing I did wrong was say to myself "You know, I kind of like these hills, they break things up and keep it interesting." You just dont play with the universe like that. As I said this course was 3 loops. Each loop had 2 underpasses on each leg, meaning that I ran up and down 12 underpasses. On lap one and even two, they did kind of give a change of pace and I was feeling good enough that I made this assanine statement to myslef. On loop number 3, these hills were not my friend. The last one positively made me want to vomit blood on my driveway. (sorry, you have to listen to the radio station I listen to in order to get that reference, but dont worry, I dont really vomit blood.)

3. I somehow did a pretty good job eating and drinking on the course. With as warm as it was and the distance, it was important that I not only drink water, but also take some electrolytes, carbs etc. Im really not a fan of gatorade, especially while running because during a race its that hand mixed, over concentrated endurance formula junk that stays in your mouth for twelve hours and... well I dont like it, so I opt to bring little shot blocks with me, which are basically energy gells in gummy form. The only problem with these things is that they are sticky as all get out and so they are hard to get out of the baggy and when you do you better have some watter to wash them down or you will be chewing on them for days. On the last loop around mile 10 when I was feeling pretty tired, I figured Id take a cup of gatorade to hopefully get a little boost from it. I shouldnt have let me talk myself into that because of course, the guy handing off the gatorade spilled it all down my arm so I finished the race with the taste of that mess in my mouth and a sticky right arm and hand. Luckily I was sweating like a pig and it didnt stick around too badly.

Some of the funny things I heard on the course today:
- From a spectator sitting on the curb downtown, "Good job runners, yall look a lot better than the people that just ran by a few minutes ago, seriously!"

- From anothe runner on her third loop "How can these hills only go uphill, doesnt physics demand they go downhill at some point?"

- "GO WILL!!! MAN YOURE SKINNY!!!!" Thanks Anna. Ok, maybe thats a little self serving, but hey, I just ran 13.1 miles.

- "Youre almost there!" Said someone standing literally next to the 5 mile marker.

- A time/pace caller tried to tell me I was running at a 7:04 pace and got mad at me when I told him he was crazy if he thought I was running that fast.

All in all I had a really fun race, I came in unnoficially at 2:20:29 so I came in a little under my goal. I ran an average pace of 10:37 per mile which was a good bit faster than I expected. I realized about mile 6 or 7 that I was running that pace consistently and several times thought I had slowed down, but I actually ran it pretty consistently. My fastest mile split was 10:12 and slowest was 10:53. Other than those two, every one was right around 10:30. One of the coolest things was that I got my first piece of "hardware" today. Every race up to this point just gave a t-shirt. Today I got a medal and a running singlet. Cool bonus fact, they designed this medal to be a piece in a set. If I run this race three years in a row, the medals actually match up to form a bigger medal. Cool huh?

If I had been smarter

If I had thought about it, I would have kept a log of all of my marathon training for posterity's sake, but I haven't. However, as Ive learned, and keep learning, its never too late to start anything.

For more than one reason, September, and now October, have been my hardest training months. In September I really had to figure out how to train, eat and work at the same time. Being a teacher and having summers off makes summer training pretty easy, well at least the scheduling of it. In the past on those many, many days that I would finish school and just feel completely worn out, I would leave school, head to a drive through, gorge about 1500 calories, and take a nap until it was time for dinner, gorge another 1500, then come home, watch TV and go to sleep. Granted, this is even hard to type because its so embarrassing to admit, but in addition to being horrible for me it was SO EASY! Now, even when I do get worn out or have a bad day, I still have my running to do. Luckily, running is still fun for me, and I don't see it as just another thing I HAVE to do, its something that I get to do.

NOW, that being said, running is hard. I'm a running fanatic, I think about it, do it, research it, talk about it, etc. as much as anyone I know, but its still stinking hard. Ive written before about settling down and really feeling like a runner, well I realize that feeling like a runner actually entails a good amount of redundancy. I run over and over and over. Same places, same distances, same times, etc. When I first started I was breaching huge milestones, running races, confetti was plentiful, the world was fresh. Well I haven't raced since August, so for two solid months its been train and train and train. Luckily I have my first half marathon next week, and I'm hoping it will provide a much needed boost to my running. For me at least, I realize that racing regularly will be important. I'm not trying to win anything, but getting out there in the spirit of race day has a very specific effect, and its an effect that I need to keep going.

I am still hitting distance milestones. Every week in fact. My first ten miler was about 3 weeks ago and tomorrow I will run 12. My weekend long runs are still going excitingly well, but the week days are getting harder and harder. My running partner, Anne, has developed our new Mantra, "Crappy weekday runs make for great weekend runs."

I'm already having really crazy thoughts about what to do after my marathon is over. On one hand I guess that's good because it means that I'm not even considering if I finish the marathon, but when. As hard as all of this is, I'm confident in the fact that I am being consistent and working hard. Save an injury, which could always happen, I feel like Ill be ready for January. Houston half marathon next weekend, San Antonio half marathon in Nov. and then the big one on January 17th, It will be here before I know it.

Sundays

Im a bit hesitant to write about whats on my mind this morning. Ive almost written about it several times, but it always sounds really whiny in my mind before I sit down to write about it, but this morning I just cant get it out of my mind. In addition to feeling like Im whining, I also feel like what I have to write about flies in the face of what the "new Will" is all about. The new me is happy, energetic and confident, right? Well, while I am happy to admit that for the most part those things are fairly true, but then there are Sundays.

I look forward to weekends the way I would imagine 90% of people do, which is to say I live for the weekends. My weekends are slightly different now, in that there are very few long nights and sleeping late, and Im perfectly happy with that. I usually spend my Friday evenings relaxing, and generally eating a good, substantial dinner because what Im really looking forward to comes on Saturday mornings. Those are the days I go on my long training runs. I run 5 days a week, so just the running isnt as monumental as the fact that I get to run for a long distance without any real worry about getting ready for school or getting somewhere in a hurry. Plus I get to get around other people, talk about running or whatever and generally make an event out of it. The rest of the day is spent recovering and taking care of around the house stuff that I have become a professional at neglecting during the week. Then theres Sunday.

I hate Sundays, and Ive come to realize theres a lot of reasons why, but again, all of them seem to be so self serving and petty. I guess I should start by why I used to love Sunday mornings, and the truth is I guess I hate them now for the same exact reasons I used to love them. I used to always be able to count on Sunday as the day of rest, where you didnt have to worry about anything other than relaxing and just being. Now, when you are with someone (see I told you this was going to turn into a whine festival) you cant beat this type of open schedule day. You can spend the day talking, or not, spending time, or not, basically doing whatever you want, but Sunday was always a day that I felt was "together" day. I have two friends that got married over the summer who's "song" is Sunday Morning by Maroon 5. The song talks about exactly what Im saying, spending time doing nothing but being together on a Sunday, and thats all you will ever need.

I guess I hate these Sundays, because it reminds me that as well as I am doing, and all the changes I have made, I still have an empty spot. There are a million things I could do to occupy my time, and I do some of them, but how often is it that its the one thing you know you cant have that you want the most. I need to use these days as a reminder that I have to keep moving. I have to keep improving myself, I have to keep looking, I have to not be satisfied. I really do miss loving Sundays, maybe I will again.

An interesting week

I'm almost reluctant to write this now as I guess until I go on another run, I'm not totally sure if I'm out of the woods. I sustained what I guess you could call my first "real" running injury this week. Ultimately it looks to be nothing more than a slightly strained hamstring, but it was enough to stop a run early and have me miss my weekly long run. I'm also lightening my running load for tomorrow, choosing the not run option on my optional day and then hopefully back to normal on Wednesday.

The whole point of this is that since Thursday morning I have just been in a funk. Big picture, I missed literally one day of running, and it sent me into some sort of emotional tail spin. Most people would think that's crazy, and most of them would be right. I was even looking at myself saying "snap out of it, its just one run, its no biggy," but I couldn't shake being really bummed out about it. Ultimately what I realized is that what is bumming me out is that even though I have had such amazing success with my running and my weight loss (down 71 pounds as of this morning, woo hoo!) I'm still frightened of falling right back into who I used to be. Theres no question, I LOVE running and it would take some sort of major catastrophic event to ever derail that for me, but I feel like even though for the last 7 months I have been eating healthy and doing it all "right," that just that one little day off due to a sore hamstring could bring it all crumbling down around me. I'm still trying to figure out what I should take from this. Are the "changes" Ive made not really changes, but just me convincing myself to act a certain way? Or maybe I'm still just so new at this that I still get spooked to easy... OR maybe I'm just reading way too much into this (wouldn't that be odd) and I simply just got bummed because I was hurt and couldn't do something I really like to do.

I'm going to do what I think has to be the best thing for myself, I'm not going to think about this. I can take any little thing and blow it into something its not, so maybe that's what I need to work on more than my hamstring. Ive come so far, and still have a ways to go, but when I set out on this I was determined to be able to say and mean that life is good. Life wasn't that good this week, but today its looking better, I guess anytime you learn something it helps life look a little better.

Still Interesting

I found this post which I wrote on a previous, and never really seen, blog and still found it interesting. What is most interesting is that even though I only wrote it about 3 months ago, I now view food TOTALLY differently than I did then, but this story still equally disturbs me.

Saturday, April 18, 2009
You can't make this stuff up...

Its very interesting to look at the way a person like me views food versus the way "normal" people look at food. Recently Ive come to realize that the way I eat, and I'm not talking about table manners, is very different than the way most people do. I know a lot of people who will look at a big fatty hamburger, or a monster burrito and be turned off by its unhealthy aspects. I usually relish in them. However that view has taken a big hit today (which I think is a good thing) when I came across a little special on the travel channel about best places in America to pig out. (Constantly watching television about food, no I'm not sick, really I'm not.)

Its called the Heart Attack Grill, just South of Phoenix. Its nothing new to desire to carve out a business niche in American counter-culture. Look no further than places like Hooters or Dick's Last Resort, all making money off of being a little contrary to the "status quo" and maybe a little politically incorrect. No harm, no foul. But the Heart Attack Grill, is something entirely different and truly disturbing. This place literally looks at people who have no regard for their health and tells them, "come here, Ill help you kill yourself!" And I'm not exaggerating.

The menu has 7 items. The single, double, triple, and quadruple bypass burgers, flat liner fries (fried only in pure lard), jolt cola, and Lucky Strike cigarettes. I'm not making this up. The quadruple bypass, the joints #1 seller, is a 2 pound, 4 patty burger with the buns dipped in lard before grilling, that comes in at 8,000 calories. 8,000 calories!!!! That's the amount of calories that a normal person eats in four days. Wash it down with the highest concentration of sugar and caffeine on the market, and for desert, cigarettes. This goes beyond counterculture and innocent fun.

Now at this point I was already flabbergasted, until the really really sick part came on. At the Heart Attack Grill, if you weigh over 350 pounds, you eat free, for life. The owner of this restaurant is giving free food to keep people obese. In order to fall into a "normal" body mass index range and be 350 pounds, you need to be 8' 4" tall. I hate to tell you, but there isn't anyone in Arizona that tall. This is shameful, disgusting and really really sad. His restaurant is packed every day, and yes, almost everyone in the videos eating in there is overweight.

I wish I was through with the sad news. You would think that the FDA or some advocacy group would be in an uproar over this place that unapologetically, even proudly, wants to kill its patrons. Well you'd be right, but it has nothing to do with the food. The waitresses at this place keep with the heart attack/medical theme by dressing as naughty nurses. Scantily clad nurses take your order which they call a prescription, and even roll you out to your car in a wheelchair when your done. (You cant make this stuff up) So after the 8,000 calories, the Jolt and a pack of smokes, who's pissed off? The Arizona State Board of Nursing. They contend that by using the term "nurse" in this setting, they are sexualizing the profession and discouraging young women from becoming nurses, and therefore contributing to a nursing shortage, and therefore the death of innocent people. Truth be told, they have a very valid point with the whole naughty nurse thing in general, BUT ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME!!! Not one person has stepped forward to say how insane this place is for the food?!?!

Ive rambled on here for way too long, but in closing here's my point. I think I finally see what other people see when they look at a person who overeats like I do. I may not be choking back 8k calories, but the same disgust and pity that a lot of people who see me, a guy who's about 100 pounds too heavy, is the same way I was looking at the people choking down quadruple bypass burgers. Its not a pleasant feeling at all. This more than anything was what left an impression on me today.