Sundays

Im a bit hesitant to write about whats on my mind this morning. Ive almost written about it several times, but it always sounds really whiny in my mind before I sit down to write about it, but this morning I just cant get it out of my mind. In addition to feeling like Im whining, I also feel like what I have to write about flies in the face of what the "new Will" is all about. The new me is happy, energetic and confident, right? Well, while I am happy to admit that for the most part those things are fairly true, but then there are Sundays.

I look forward to weekends the way I would imagine 90% of people do, which is to say I live for the weekends. My weekends are slightly different now, in that there are very few long nights and sleeping late, and Im perfectly happy with that. I usually spend my Friday evenings relaxing, and generally eating a good, substantial dinner because what Im really looking forward to comes on Saturday mornings. Those are the days I go on my long training runs. I run 5 days a week, so just the running isnt as monumental as the fact that I get to run for a long distance without any real worry about getting ready for school or getting somewhere in a hurry. Plus I get to get around other people, talk about running or whatever and generally make an event out of it. The rest of the day is spent recovering and taking care of around the house stuff that I have become a professional at neglecting during the week. Then theres Sunday.

I hate Sundays, and Ive come to realize theres a lot of reasons why, but again, all of them seem to be so self serving and petty. I guess I should start by why I used to love Sunday mornings, and the truth is I guess I hate them now for the same exact reasons I used to love them. I used to always be able to count on Sunday as the day of rest, where you didnt have to worry about anything other than relaxing and just being. Now, when you are with someone (see I told you this was going to turn into a whine festival) you cant beat this type of open schedule day. You can spend the day talking, or not, spending time, or not, basically doing whatever you want, but Sunday was always a day that I felt was "together" day. I have two friends that got married over the summer who's "song" is Sunday Morning by Maroon 5. The song talks about exactly what Im saying, spending time doing nothing but being together on a Sunday, and thats all you will ever need.

I guess I hate these Sundays, because it reminds me that as well as I am doing, and all the changes I have made, I still have an empty spot. There are a million things I could do to occupy my time, and I do some of them, but how often is it that its the one thing you know you cant have that you want the most. I need to use these days as a reminder that I have to keep moving. I have to keep improving myself, I have to keep looking, I have to not be satisfied. I really do miss loving Sundays, maybe I will again.