I'm almost reluctant to write this now as I guess until I go on another run, I'm not totally sure if I'm out of the woods. I sustained what I guess you could call my first "real" running injury this week. Ultimately it looks to be nothing more than a slightly strained hamstring, but it was enough to stop a run early and have me miss my weekly long run. I'm also lightening my running load for tomorrow, choosing the not run option on my optional day and then hopefully back to normal on Wednesday.
The whole point of this is that since Thursday morning I have just been in a funk. Big picture, I missed literally one day of running, and it sent me into some sort of emotional tail spin. Most people would think that's crazy, and most of them would be right. I was even looking at myself saying "snap out of it, its just one run, its no biggy," but I couldn't shake being really bummed out about it. Ultimately what I realized is that what is bumming me out is that even though I have had such amazing success with my running and my weight loss (down 71 pounds as of this morning, woo hoo!) I'm still frightened of falling right back into who I used to be. Theres no question, I LOVE running and it would take some sort of major catastrophic event to ever derail that for me, but I feel like even though for the last 7 months I have been eating healthy and doing it all "right," that just that one little day off due to a sore hamstring could bring it all crumbling down around me. I'm still trying to figure out what I should take from this. Are the "changes" Ive made not really changes, but just me convincing myself to act a certain way? Or maybe I'm still just so new at this that I still get spooked to easy... OR maybe I'm just reading way too much into this (wouldn't that be odd) and I simply just got bummed because I was hurt and couldn't do something I really like to do.
I'm going to do what I think has to be the best thing for myself, I'm not going to think about this. I can take any little thing and blow it into something its not, so maybe that's what I need to work on more than my hamstring. Ive come so far, and still have a ways to go, but when I set out on this I was determined to be able to say and mean that life is good. Life wasn't that good this week, but today its looking better, I guess anytime you learn something it helps life look a little better.
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Just a thought....you're sort of looking at your self as a "before" and "after" project. As though the 'new you' is a finished product and just like the flip of a switch it's either on or off. Instead, perhaps you should look at yourself as a work in progress. Trying to avoid sounding cliche, but life is after all a journey. You will have ups and downs, but you are far from finished. You could no sooner fall off the wagon and return to your old life overnight than you could've woken up 71 pounds lighter six months ago....you've come too far to regress like that, and you have too far to go to allow one hiccup to derail you. I believe in you and your life. The enemy is always at bay to seek and destroy that which is good...do not allow him to corrupt your thoughts. You are strong. I love you!!
ReplyDeleteI've got an idea...Friday night before your long run, go to Kentucky Fried Chicken and get about 7 pieces, original recipe (yum), a large mashed potato, and a couple biscuits and eat them. Then go straight to bed. Get up the next morning and run long and see how you feel. :) After that, you'll be thoroughly convinced that you HAVE changed. You may doubt it up in your head, but the rest of you will have NO doubts.
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