2015 Houston Marathon Is A Go...Kind of.

I received word yesterday that I had received a spot through the Houston Marathon Lottery, meaning I'll be toeing the line there for the third time this coming January. In keeping with my new commitment to optimism mixed with gentle realism, it's time to think about my goals for this marathon.  First, a little history.  My first marathon came roughly 9 months after I ran my first step as an adult.  I joined a couch to 5k group and basically went couch to marathon instead.  It was an amazing ride and I finished that marathon in ~5:20.  This was a bucket list style marathon, my only goal was to complete it.  I trained that way, I raced that way, COULD it be done?  Houston Marathon number two was a different animal.  I had been running and competing in triathlons for 3 years.  I had figured out how to train, I was running faster and longer than I had before and I had a bold goal.  I wanted to run a sub 4 hour marathon.  My eating was pretty well controlled although I noticed that I was having more "cheat days" than I was used to and the scale had started to creep up.  I pushed hard, I raced smart, and I ran a 4:01.  This was just shy of a 1:20 minute pr, something that's basically unheard of, but it was bittersweet, one stupid minute.  That was two years ago, which brings us to here.

On the upside, this will technically be my 5th marathon (2 stand alone, 2 Ironmans) so I know what to expect.  The "can" question doesn't plague me the way it used to.  Of course anything can happen on any given day, but I know it CAN be done.  The question plaguing me today may already be clear, am I shooting for that elusive sub 4:00 again? The downside is, well, everything I talked about yesterday.  The downside is that I feel disconnected, I feel fat, and the last time I went to the line feeling like this, I did a 16:21 Ironman (with a 7:30 marathon, all walking), a 2:30 personal worst.  To be clear, and this has been difficult to admit to myself, but I did that Ironman so badly because I was doing it fat, mentally.  I told myself many times, you don't deserve to be out here, you don't look like these people, you didn't work as hard as they did.  That's why I did so poorly, because I convinced myself that's all I was capable of.  I had blisters, I didn't have good race nutrition, but my biggest failing was mental, but I digress.

I'm coming to another unpleasant, although not really surprising, realization about the weight I've put on.  It's making it a lot harder to run. Shocking I know, but the truth is my "running mind" still wants to run the pace I used to.  I can still "feel" that pace and I want to run it, I even think my body feels good doing it...for about 3 miles.  Then it reminds me pretty quick that I'm not 32 and 180 lbs anymore.  I've got aches and pains, tendinitis, etc. and it's because my body can't haul around the extra weight as fast as I want it to.

So can I hit that sub 4?  I think I can IF I get the weight off of me and keep running.  It even feels stupid to type.  It feels like saying, "I can learn to speak Spanish if I study the language and practice with other speakers."  As obvious as this equation might be, it's something I'm going to have to work at.  I know what I need to do with the food side to start losing weight, but it's trying to figure out how to keep myself running without continuing to hurt.  The easy answer is slow down, but it's hard to convince my brain to slow down more than my body already requires.  After all, I want to go fast!